Rude Awakening – A crowdfunding experience
As we are wrapping up the first crowdfunding campaign for Rude Awakening I wanted to reflect on the evolution of this project aswell as how it is still a big catalyst for me creating in a new way aswell;
We always started this film from a deep passion to share the story of ourselves and the brave people on this path.
At first we wanted to interview people “that made it” to embodied enlightenment. Then after the first interview with Maurice Kok we quickly realized it is not about accolades, who made it or any spiritual levels we were going to measure. So we stopped and felt into our passion and joy again. After a while the answer came to us: It is simply about articulating the insights about this crazy journey honestly and openly. Where ever anybody is on this path. The main attraction is that they chose it and they are willing to self-reflect on-camera without any spiritual bullshit.
Then we started raising money for the film three months ago. It was scary especially because really taking our full seats in our radiance still felt kind of dangerous. Also we were just going through our own letting go of our own old planning and agenda’s and knowing damn well we could not be stuck to the outcome or details. Then again…try telling that to my human who is well trained to produce and direct films and used to be total Virgo-esque stickler for all the details.
Then you started contributing. Financially and energetically. There wasn’t a single one of you that didn’t think this was not a great idea and something that would be an amazing legacy for the people that would come after us. Yet the goal of 50k, which is only a 1/3rd of the final budget of 150K, was only being filled up very slowly. I was dissapointed. Again my human was measuring in the old human cage and looking for the old signs of flow, abundance and support. I had to stop again and feel into this until it finally hit me. We needed to land this project with Masters and Shaumbra first. Instead of going through big film funds, producers and investors that would change the dynamics and make it leak energy. This film needed to find its creative and energetic feet first in order to be strong enough to stand up and take the next step. Although we are deeply grateful for the gifts, this wasn’t even about the money. It was about grounding this project and let her evolve in a new way so that it could not only be a reference for us as it’s creators but for all of us as an untainted reference of free energy creation. Just feel into how we funded the Crimson Circle Studio. Now feel into this project and then feel into your own. It is all the same reference.
I stopped and paused once more after I received a mail from an old producer friend. She watched the first trailer and read the synopsis documents and she didn’t get it and thought it was a bit unfocussed. Now at first I didn’t need any outsiders to get this journey. I brushed it aside at first but it kept annoying me over the next weeks. I needed to feel what was going on and what this project needed, not what I thought it should be. After a few weeks of irritation, non movement and distraction I woke up one morning and I felt it so clearly; I need to take myself out of the film as an interviewee.
I need to do this to keep a more “objective” view in investigating this journey and it’s people in my communication to the outside world. I will never deny I am a big part of this path but not having to explain that on top of the rather complex explanation to outsiders made alot of things fall into place again. I was the guide to a much larger audience so I had the responsibility to ask their critical questions also. All of a sudden I wrote a new synopsis, directors motivation, questions, new trailer and target audience research in a little under two days and in a way that would be perfectly simple too understand for anyone…especially investors. Flow and clarity were back in force but only because I allowed myself to change, to reflect, let go and move on when I needed to.
Now this film shifted from being a niche little in-crowd documentary to the next “what the bleep to we know”. There I said it. And I can deeply feel it will be.
This film is now for a massive audience that is interested in mindfulness, spirituality and ascension. I still do not need to convince anybody that what we are expereincing is true. Just that it is happening right now and that it is another interesting spiritual perspective alongside all the perspectives of others.
We shot a new trailer a few days ago to reflect this new approach and the fact that we were able to explain this whole journey in under 6 minutes just proved to me we are on the eve of our big coming out to the world. Not that we have to but because we love to celebrate our journey and do it in our full radiance…to anyone. No more difference between our private lives and how we show up in our worldly expressions. No more us VS them. No more muggles VS the ascended. No more separation…period.
Now I feel free to talk to a Netflix just how I talk here. Sure I have a kick ass synopsis and spend some time translating some things for the public at at large but in the end I just showed up with my joy. And that led me here. The discovery and flow all came out of letting go of the ideas and agendas, time and time again. Especially if you do a passion project it can be especially brutal for the human who is then extra righteous and convinced the abundance will start flowing. It will get super demotivated if it then doesn’t in a way it recognises. For me the real abundance was mainly energetic which let to the willingness to share and receive feedback which let self reflection and letting go which let to new impulses, new action and new manifestations.
I can only applaud and celebrate each and everyone that now dares to step into their joy and radiance and who is open enough to be surprised by what shows up at their door. It will change, it will not look like anything you know most of the time but the fact that it is changing and bringing up old anger and pain means it IS working. Just not in the old way.
After days of anger, sadness and frustration, my human finally totally gave up yesterday. It gave the keys to the control room to the Master, walked away and de-coupled the main locomotive. I thought I did that already months but this was the ultimate giving up and trusting the process. It still doesn’t like change but it had seen enough reference through these last months to know it is the only thing left.
Although I am currently in debt, having irregular work coming in last month and have no clue how to pay my rent, I know this is how it works. It is the only road we haven’t tried yet that we are currently traveling on and sharing like this in a safe space of self-refelction and humor is what kept me from the doubts taking over completely.
I am deeply in love with making films and telling visual stories about realisation and that is what I will do. Showing up with all of it, not being afraid to reflect with others but also not afraid anymore to shine my radiance and celebrate it loudly and joyfully. Then stopping when it is appropriate to sense again and moving my ass again when I can act on free and joyful impulses. The rest, we will no doubt say on the grand world premiere in 2019…is history.